highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize