and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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