My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
