my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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