Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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