Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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