every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
