I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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