I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I AM VODKA MAN
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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