420 ftw
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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