I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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