PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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