I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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