don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
