I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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