So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
