I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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