so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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