i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
