I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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