there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
