and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
