i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I supernannyed him into submission
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
