The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
