Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
