His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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