Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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