so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Your penis caused this!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
