you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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