Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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