I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
