The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
