If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
