You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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