It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
