Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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