guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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