when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
