so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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