It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
