i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it was like eating out sand paper
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
