he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
