Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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