For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
