i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
