I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
