I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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