You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
