you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
