Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
