There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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