Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
