Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
