Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
