I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize