This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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