I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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