I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
