I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
