I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize