Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
