She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize