I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
