I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
