i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
